Please, Let Me Be Invisible!

empty rockerHave you ever wanted to be invisible? Maybe so you could eavesdrop on a conversation you weren’t part of? Or maybe because you’re like me — so introverted that being surrounded by a crowd of people you don’t know is exhausting?

Last weekend I attended my first writer’s conference. Remember the very old TV commercial for Vick’s Cough Medicine where the actor announced, “I’m not a doctor; I just play one on TV”?  I felt similarly: “I’m not a writer; I just play one on my blog.”

I was surrounded by accomplished Christian women writers I respect and admire. There were bloggers whose posts I loved and authors whose books I read. The conference center was filled with energy and enthusiasm as women met with publishers and agents, sharing book proposals and blog ideas. I vacillated between “Wow, look at all these extraordinary women!” to “God, please make me invisible!” I didn’t know anyone there, and I was missing Neil. It was our anniversary.

I recognized ahead of time that being at the conference that day would be challenging, but I also thought it would be a symbol of my progress. Like a child riding a bike or swimming those first few strokes after mom or dad let go, I thought I would be able to say, “Look, I’m meeting people all by myself!” And although I was pleased to be there, I was also sad. I wanted to be with Neil.

In the main sessions that night, while worship music played, candle lights glowed, and women swayed in community singing to God, one of those famous women I admire came over and put her arm on my shoulder. She didn’t know me, or anything about me. I doubt she had ever even seen me before. But as she stood there, she whispered, “I am praying for you.” When the music ended and the audience sat down, she knelt next to my chair with her head bowed. After a few seconds, she got up, squeezed my hand, and walked away.

God does some crazy stuff, doesn’t He? A part of me was really embarrassed. Even in the dimly lit room people could see she was kneeling beside me, and I felt awkward. Then I considered Jesus kneeling at the apostles’ feet to wash them. This woman wasn’t washing mine, but God worked through her that day. He reminded me that I might be a widow, but I am not alone and I will never be invisible to Him.

Neither will you.

Click below to read some great blogs from other women at the conference!

18 Comments

  1. Your words continue to inspire and guide me deeper in my relationship with God. Thank you Colleen for opening up your heart and sharing your journey.
    Your Cousin,
    Amy

  2. Oh how I wish I had been there with you. What a wonderful experience. I am SO shy and intimidated when I am in situations like this, but once I get over that first bit of fear as I am walking in, I do OK. It sounds like you got a lot from the meeting. I am so happy for you. Nope, we are not invisible to Him. This makes me feel very safe.
    Hugs…..genie the girl who is not itching so badly anymore….

  3. As always, Colleen, very touching and thought provoking at the same time. I think you underestimate your talents as a writer but that’s one of the reasons why you’re so good – you let the Holy Spirit shine through. In regards to the woman kneeling by you at the workshop, I don’t mean to sound sexist, but I think we just have a 3rd sense to know when someone is in pain or needs a special touch. She was definitely being Jesus to you and the good thing was you allowed her to be that presence – not something all of us control freaks are good at doing! Blessings, Mary

    1. Thanks Mary, you’re right – being taken care of by someone else is not easy for a lot of us!

  4. Hi Colleen 🙂

    I love your story of the woman coming over and placing her arm on your shoulder. How cool is that! We never know how a word, hug, or simple touch might be used by the Lord. Thank you for sharing!

    Sweet blessings,
    Cindy 🙂

  5. I loved your post, Colleen. And I’m grateful that I got to spend some time getting to know you at dinner! I’m also grateful that I found your blog through the blog hop! I am often humbled by God’s hand in my daily life. What an awesome thing that He sent you such a special message to let you know that He sees you in your circumstances – you are never invisible to Him! I’m looking forward to reading more from you. 🙂

    1. Hi Teri, I am really glad you found your way here and had a great time talking to you at dinner about life and law and medicine and our kids! I love your story of God’s work in your life. Please visit again!

  6. Hi Colleen, What a beautiful image of this lady kneeing beside you. God knew you needed someone and there she was. As for being a writer, you really don’t give yourself enough credit. I see you as creative, talented, prayerful, full of wisdom and kindness. God gave you this awesome gift and your using your gift to help others.

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