Have you ever wanted to be invisible? Maybe so you could eavesdrop on a conversation you weren’t part of? Or maybe because you’re like me — so introverted that being surrounded by a crowd of people you don’t know is exhausting?
Last weekend I attended my first writer’s conference. Remember the very old TV commercial for Vick’s Cough Medicine where the actor announced, “I’m not a doctor; I just play one on TV”? I felt similarly: “I’m not a writer; I just play one on my blog.”
I was surrounded by accomplished Christian women writers I respect and admire. There were bloggers whose posts I loved and authors whose books I read. The conference center was filled with energy and enthusiasm as women met with publishers and agents, sharing book proposals and blog ideas. I vacillated between “Wow, look at all these extraordinary women!” to “God, please make me invisible!” I didn’t know anyone there, and I was missing Neil. It was our anniversary.
I recognized ahead of time that being at the conference that day would be challenging, but I also thought it would be a symbol of my progress. Like a child riding a bike or swimming those first few strokes after mom or dad let go, I thought I would be able to say, “Look, I’m meeting people all by myself!” And although I was pleased to be there, I was also sad. I wanted to be with Neil.
In the main sessions that night, while worship music played, candle lights glowed, and women swayed in community singing to God, one of those famous women I admire came over and put her arm on my shoulder. She didn’t know me, or anything about me. I doubt she had ever even seen me before. But as she stood there, she whispered, “I am praying for you.” When the music ended and the audience sat down, she knelt next to my chair with her head bowed. After a few seconds, she got up, squeezed my hand, and walked away.
God does some crazy stuff, doesn’t He? A part of me was really embarrassed. Even in the dimly lit room people could see she was kneeling beside me, and I felt awkward. Then I considered Jesus kneeling at the apostles’ feet to wash them. This woman wasn’t washing mine, but God worked through her that day. He reminded me that I might be a widow, but I am not alone and I will never be invisible to Him.
Neither will you.
Click below to read some great blogs from other women at the conference!