The End of Arguing: That’s an Interesting Perspective

Over the holidays I witnessed several disagreements. Nothing serious, just typical quarrels, everyone involved determined to prove their point. Alcohol tends to bring out the debater in people, but even many sober people seem to genuinely enjoy arguing.

Some points are facts – medical issues for example, or how to properly take care of wool. Lots more are opinion. Should a certain book belong on the best seller list, or is it there only because of the author’s fame? Should underwear show above a young man’s pants, which are hanging down practically to his knees, or is respectful attire more important than personal freedom? Why does modern music have to include vulgarity?

Certain subjects are important and worth arguing, but many aren’t. And how often do we succeed in convincing someone else to change their opinion, especially on things that don’t really matter in the long run? Not very often – at least not in my case.

I remember one squabble Neil and I had years ago. It was a stupid one, as most of ours were. Frankly, we were only still arguing because we both had an intense need to be right and to have the last word. It went on for a ridiculous amount of time, as neither wanted to concede, even though on some level we both wanted it to end.  

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The Christmas Delivery

It was a gray dreary winter day. The house felt cold and empty, the weather was drizzly, and a rapidly accelerating runny nose was making me look like Rudolph. Some Christmas cheer was in order. It was time to buy my Christmas tree.

The tree farm I bought from last year was already sold out, so I went to our local produce shop where a few trees still stood in the lot. “Sorry, we don’t have any small ones left,” the clerk said. A particularly tall one caught my eye – densely packed pine needles, a star-ready top and a few ice crystals sparkling in its branches. “I have room in my house for a big tree,” I answered. “I just don’t have room in my car to get it there. Thanks anyway,” I called as I headed back through the parking lot.

“Hey, wait a minute,” he shouted after me. “Take ten dollars off that tree and I’ll deliver it for you. I’ll just follow you back to your house.” Ten dollars off and delivery? Tempting, I thought, but isn’t it too much to ask? I rocked from one foot to the other and pushed my hair behind my ears as I considered the generous offer.

“Really,” he said, “we do it all the time. You go pay my wife inside, and I’ll get the truck.” There were other customers on the lot, but he seemed oblivious to them. When I came back outside, a beat-up pickup held my tree perched in its bed. My house was only about two miles away, but it took ten careful minutes to get there. The clerk followed me slowly, taking the turns gently to protect the tree and its branches.

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Pretending Life is Perfect is Exhausting!

 

It’s Halloween and has been the case with all holidays since Neil died, I find myself reflecting on past celebrations. Like most parents, we started dressing up for Halloween when the girls were babies and created some imaginative costumes over the years.

 

 

We had fun with decorations, too – there were always pumpkin carvings, pipe cleaner spiders and black construction paper bats all over the house. Dinner included treats like brain bread and carrot fingers. We always enjoyed using our imaginations and pretending.

 

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Me and Elton John: Thoughts on the Simple Life

Who would have thought that a noisy, crowded rock concert would remind me of the joys in my simple life?

I climbed into my seat high in the arena last month and waited excitedly with 25,000 other noisy fans for Elton John to perform one of the concerts in his final tour. Suddenly, without fanfare, he appeared at the piano and started to play. His sequined jacket flickered like a million tiny stars every time he moved. The mirror over his keyboard reflected his stubby fingers as they pounded out the melody, and the jumbotron showed a bright pink scarf framing his aged face.

With my eyes open, I was clapping and singing along with everyone else, but with my eyes closed, I was transported back in time. I saw my dad humming Someone Saved my Life Tonight while my siblings and I argued in the back seat of his baby blue Cadillac. I saw myself making a chart of life goals as I sang I’m Still Standing. I saw my husband dancing to Can You Feel the Love Tonight with one of our baby girls wrapped in his arms. Continue reading →

Helping Teens Deal with Grief

Today’s post is shared on the website Wisdom of the Wounded, and is about helping teens deal with grief. Even if you don’t know a teenager who is mourning a death, you probably know one who is mourning something else: a lost relationship, a divorce, even bad grades. I think you’ll find these tips useful no matter what the loss.

https://wisdomofthewounded.com/2018/09/05/how-to-help-your-teen-cope-with-grief/

There’s also a beautiful graphic you can print out or share:

https://wisdomofthewounded.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/WOTW_Teen_Grief_PDF.pdf

If you have any other suggestions, please let me know. And as always, thanks for reading!

colleen