Tag: lessons

Watching Our Words in Lent (Part 6)

/ colleen arnold / 2 Comments

Welcome to Holy Week! This weekend, we celebrate Palm Sunday, and one more week until Easter – still plenty of time to work on choosing our words well.

Part 6: Learn to Leave

Our last idea is to learn when to leave the conversation; sometimes, the best choice is simply to walk away.

Despite what society seems to teach, I don’t need to have the last word.
It’s ok to leave a conversation without getting in that clever jab, that smart retort that will prove how right I am.
I don’t have to convince everyone of my opinion.

In the same way, I don’t have to take offense at each callous comment I hear; not everything is meant to insult me. Often, it’s a lack of awareness on the speaker’s part.

And those people who intentionally upset or offend me often do so just to make themselves feel better. I don’t need to justify myself to them – the only opinion of me that matters is God’s!

There is a time to speak and a time to be silent (Ecclesiastes. 3:7).

Let’s continue using our words to make the world a sweeter place. Next week is Easter- see you then!

-colleen

Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.

Watching Our Words in Lent (Part 3)

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Only a month until Easter!
I hope we’re all making progress on sweetening our words and communication.

Week 3: Measure Your Motive

For the past two weeks, we’ve been learning to pause before we speak, allowing the Holy Spirit to help us choose our words well. Our challenge this week is to consider the “why” behind our words after we take our pause. For example:

Am I seeking revenge or retaliation? If so, I do best to hold my tongue.
Am I bragging? The sin of pride is often a subtle one.
If I am giving advice, is it to make myself look better?
Or to make the other person look worse? If so, I should skip the comments.

And even if my response is well-intended, is it wanted? Will my words actually help the situation? Unsolicited advice can often come across as criticism. “The next time you make this dish, you should bake it longer,” sounds a lot like “You didn’t cook this right.” Let’s ask ourselves, “How would I feel if someone said this to me?”

Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)

Let’s continue working on using our pause to consider our “whys” before a word even leaves our mouths. Come back next week, and we’ll add another idea. See you then!

-colleen

Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.

Watching Our Words in Lent (Part 2)

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Only five more weeks to go before Easter! Last week, we challenged each other to use this time to “fast” from unkind words and to “give away” kind ones instead, hoping to emerge at the end of Lent with new habits to keep our words sweeter than jellybeans.

Week Two: Learn to Pause, Part 2

We noted the first step in all this is to learn to pause before we speak, allowing the Holy Spirit to help us choose our words well. That pause helps us make better decisions. By reflecting before replying automatically, I avoid saying “yes” when I don’t mean it. I avoid saying “no” to something I would have agreed to with more consideration.

This week, we’ll continue working to perfect that pause. Another advantage is that it helps us recognize conversations we’d rather not be part of. Some people are debaters who love to argue; some are complainers who find fault in everything; others are full of sarcasm or gossip. By holding our tongues, we avoid contributing to those negative words, criticisms, and complaints.

Set a guard, Lord, before my mouth, keep watch over the door of my lips.

(Psalm 141:3)

Finally, perfecting the pause helps us become better listeners. It’s a common practice to interrupt others in conversation: “I know just what you’re talking about! Here’s what happened to me.” And even if we aren’t actually saying it out loud, we are often thinking it, ready to jump in as soon as the other person takes a breath.

Knowing I will pause before I speak allows a different approach. I can listen thoughtfully when someone else is speaking and give them my full attention, which helps me feel more connected and empathetic. I can stop thinking ahead to my response. When they finish their comments, I can pause and carefully choose my words before speaking, fostering trust and respect.

Know this, my dear brothers: everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak.

(James 1:19)

Let’s continue working on this sweet pause over the upcoming days. Come back next week, and we’ll add another idea. See you then!

-colleen

Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.