Today I’m writing at Pause and Pray about finding God in the simple things. Come check it out!
Tanku: Learning Trust From a Toddler
Earlier this month, my grandson was quite sick. He was in the ICU, treated with IV fluids, oxygen machines, suctioning, and frequent breathing treatments. It had to be difficult for him to understand.
With each new torture, he signed, “All done, all done!” willing it to be over. As each torture finished, he clapped his hands, “Yay, yay!” And often, he followed that clapping with his simple word, “Tanku,” aka, thank you.
I’ve reflected on this now that he is home, safe and healthy. Yes, he’s a happy baby with a big heart, but that couldn’t explain all his reactions.
Finally, I realized it was trust. He trusted his parents and me, and therefore also the hospital staff. He had no idea why we were doing things he didn’t like or understand, but he knew we loved him and wouldn’t hurt him.
It reminds me of God’s words in Jeremiah: I know full well the plans I have for you, plans for your welfare and not for your misfortune, plans that will offer you a future filled with hope (29:11, NCB).
We want to trust God because we know he loves us and wants the best for us – but it’s not easy.
We question his wisdom: “God, I have a better idea…”
We second guess his plans: “Are you sure God? This doesn’t seem right to me.”
And we doubt his love: “If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t put me through this.”
We all go through tough times. It’s part of the human experience. But just because we’re struggling doesn’t mean God abandoned us. Just because life gets difficult doesn’t mean God isn’t right here, walking us through it.
So next time I have trouble trusting God’s plans, I will remember my grandson’s example and say, “Tanku, God.”
Just Another Day
I enter the tiny exam room where only a month ago, Dick first mentioned a new cough. Now the oxygen cord hangs from his nose and snakes down to the huge tank on the floor beside him. He wears his pink shorts and flowery polo shirt, even though he won’t be going to the golf course today.
He carries a book under his arm, just in case I am behind schedule, and his usually tanned skin hangs from his gaunt face with a deathly pallor. He pushes himself up from the chair and gets short of breath from the exertion. I reach for him as his balance wobbles, and he pulls me into a long, tight hug.
“I don’t have much energy these days,” he says. “Good thing I’ve gotten so forgetful; now I can read the books in my library all over again.” I laugh at his joke, as always. His wife laughs, too, like it’s the first time she’s ever heard this clever comment. They’ve been married for 57 years, and as she twirls the wedding ring on her finger, I sit down between them and begin the conversation I’ve dreaded.
Continue reading →What’s My Superpower?
My family loves Disney, and our latest fascination/obsession is with the movie Encanto. A miraculous house grants powers to the family members who live there. For some reason, the heroine, Mirabel, isn’t given a gift or power when she comes of age, and the story tells of her search to find meaning in life as just an “ordinary” person.
Her sisters feel a different kind of pressure as they seek to live up to the gifts they’ve been given.
Isabela sings, “What could I do if I knew it didn’t need to be perfect?” in “What Else Can I Do?”
Louisa sings, “I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service,” in “Surface Pressure.”
Don’t we all feel this way? Finding out who we are is a task for the young, but it is also something we face as we age and our circumstances change. If I retire, and I’m not a doctor anymore, who am I? Now that my daughters have all begun their own beautiful lives and I am not called upon to mother them every day, who am I? And doesn’t the world call us worthless if we can’t somehow be useful to society? Ouch.
As I shared this sense of shifting identity with one of my daughters, she said, “But you didn’t mention your Christian identity.” And she was right.
My identity in Christ isn’t based on what I can do or how perfect I am. It’s based solely on God’s love for me. He doesn’t care that I’m not perfect or strong or even useful. He knows me better than anyone else and loves me anyway.
So, my friends, if you are struggling to claim your identity, or find your gift, or identify your power, remember this:
Your identity is God’s beloved child.
Your gift is his unfailing and unconditional love, and your power is his love within you.
Though the mountains fall away and the hills be shaken,
My love shall never fall away from you
nor my covenant of peace be shaken,
says the Lord (Isaiah 54:10).
I’d love to hear your comments below, and if you know someone who could use this encouragement, please share.
Trusting God in the Tough Times
HI Friends!
Today you can find me at Pause and Pray writing about trusting God in the tough times. I hope you’ll check it out!
Trusting Even When Things Go Wrong | Franciscan Media
Don’t You Hate Feeling Powerless?
Last week my daughter and I sat in front of the fire quietly reading, and suddenly our dog, Buddy, began howling.
It was not the howling of “Hey, there’s a UPS truck out front; I need to check it out!” but rather the howling of, “Someone is torturing me, help!” My daughter and I looked up from our respective books and saw nothing alarming. No torturing cat, no tail caught in the recliner, no spilled hot coffee. It only lasted a few minutes, and then the night proceeded in peace, the incident forgotten.
The next day, however, it happened again. This time was worse, not only in noise but in duration. Buddy howled and whined and looked at me with wide eyes begging for help. Once again, searching even in doctor mode, I couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary. I checked his paws for thorns, his body for tender spots, his ears for mites. Nothing.
“Buddy, I wish you could talk,” I told him.
Over the next few days, more episodes occurred. Finally, at 8:00 PM on Friday, came the worst one yet.
Continue reading →We Can Help Each Other
It had been a hard day at work, and I was tired and hungry. I didn’t even bother to flick the light switches as I walked down the long front hallway.
I dropped my bag into the chair, hung my coat on the invisible hook, and walked mindlessly into the dark kitchen. A collision with the unexpectedly wide-open pantry door startled me to attention. I mumbled angrily and massaged my wounded forehead. With my next step, I slipped in something crunchy on the floor and nearly landed flat on my back. When I finally got the light on, a confusing site met me. It looked like a crime scene.
Continue reading →The Christmas Pizza
An updated 2020 version………
Between over-decorating, over-eating and over-spending, the Christmas season can be overwhelming. Add the stress of Covid 19 and its easy to feel cheerless and exhausted. It doesn’t have to be that way, as I learned the Christmas Neil was in the hospital.
It was only three months after his diagnosis, but deep down we all knew it was his last Christmas. Things weren’t going well with his chemo, his appetite and energy were fading, and the team of doctors on his case bounced him back and forth because no one wanted to face the Christmas elephant in the room.
In typical Neil fashion, he was excited about the holiday even from his hospital bed, and I had no intention of leaving him alone. That meant there were no decorations at home other than the few I set up before he went into the hospital. There were no gifts except for the ones I purchased earlier that year. Wrapping and Christmas cards? Nope. Not even Christmas dinner.
Continue reading →God is Always With Us
I was eating lunch outside on an early autumn day last week. The breeze was gentle, but the air tingled with a hint of cooler days to come. From the side of my patio, I felt a flicker of movement and sensed something coming toward me. In the split second I turned my head to look, the sensation was gone and the tree beside me stood still.
Just the breeze, I thought, as I went back to work on my salad. Then I saw another flash of motion in that same tree. I decided it must be one of the hummingbirds that have been zipping around my house all summer.
I made a big dent in the salad before I saw the movement again. This time I had the sense of something floating from a high branch to a lower one, far too slow to be a hummingbird. A leaf on the gentle breeze? A falling limb? My curiosity got the best of me.
Continue reading →When the Lion Lays Down With the Lamb
My dog, Buddy, hates one of my cats. At least that’s the way I’ve always interpreted their relationship. Tiger is at the head of the pet hierarchy, and Buddy, at the bottom.
I’ve seen evidence of this as the dog remained trapped on the patio, despite a wide-open door, simply because the cat was glaring at him. I’ve heard Buddy whine, confined to the bathroom because Tiger was blocking the exit. I’ve watched Buddy jump off his comfy spot on the couch, just because Tiger walked into the room.
Imagine my surprise then, when I found them laying side by side on my bed. What was this? Could it be the end of the world – when the lion lays down with the lamb? Possible, but unlikely. Could they have somehow not noticed each other? I watched for a few minutes, and they watched me back. It was clear they were aware of each other. Had they called a truce? That would be awesome. I get tired of their incessant meowing and barking arguments as they steal each other’s food, and chase each other around the house.
Peace seemed possible for the next half hour. They lay side by side without a meow or growl. I thought they looked cute and snapped a few photos. They didn’t move. I marveled at their adorable behavior and considered giving them each a treat. Then doubt crept in. What if they were sick? Or what if they were plotting something behind my back, communicating through animal pheromones?
Continue reading →Baby Bears and Turkeys (or, Really? That’s Good For Me?)
A few nights ago, my dog, Buddy, and I were out for our evening walk on a winding country road that goes up and down several hills. As we came to the crest of one of those hills, I was startled to see a baby bear about 40 feet away, eating a snack of trash on the side of the road.
He was as adorable and fluffy as any stuffed one I’d ever seen, and I really wanted to get closer for a better look. Or at least I did until I heard the footsteps of something quite large just over the side of the hill. Assuming it was Mama Bear, Buddy and I sprinted off.
Continue reading →Is There a Mouse Under That Bed?
Earlier today, my daughter thought she heard a mouse under her bed. It was ironic, because the exterminator had been there only an hour earlier and saw no problems. That should have reassured us, as should the fact we have two chronically hungry cats. Nevertheless, there we were, fretting about a possible mouse under the bed.
Picture two grown women, rubbing their chins and nervously eyeing a perfectly innocent bed. My daughter kicked it a few times from her desk chair, with her feet safely off the floor in case anything scampered out. Nothing happened. I listened intently for any sign of squeaking or scratching. No sounds except the gentle hum of the air-conditioning unit. One of us was just going to have to take a peek.
“You look,” I said.
“No, you look.”
“But it’s not my bed.”
“But you’re the mom.”
Continue reading →Finding Life’s Everyday Treasures
Yesterday morning I left home early enough to catch a perfect spider web spun across the width of my road. Lit with morning sunshine, the dew sparkled on its many spokes like a million tiny lights. The intricate detail was lost on me as I drove right through it. In fact, I didn’t even notice it. It wasn’t until I pulled into the parking lot that a vision of the unspoiled web popped into my head and I realized what I had done.
Continue reading →A Walking Meditation
I walk a lot. Up and down my hilly road, on the trail behind my house, on trails through the Blue Ridge Mountains – even in circles around my dining room table when I can’t get outside. Walking calms my mind and exercises my body, but it can also soothe my soul. I know a lot of us are walking even more in these days of closed gyms and social isolation, so here’s an idea for turning those walks into moments with God.
If you are on a time limit, set the timer on your watch or cell phone to three minutes for each of the sections. If you’re not on a strict schedule, just allow each part of the meditation to spontaneously conclude on its own.
Introduction: Start your walk simply by inviting God to show you His creation. Thank Him for this specific time together. Stand still for a minute and take a few deep breaths to clear your head and engage your body. Then start walking at a comfortable pace.
Continue reading →God…and Fireworks… in the Mess
We love celebrating New Year’s Eve with fireworks, but our tradition almost didn’t happen the year Jordan was born.
The weather was exceptionally cold, and tiny sleet crystals fell off and on throughout the day. An ice-crusted blanket of snow covered everything in sight. It was too cold for the girls and I to go outside, and there was nowhere clear enough for Neil to set off fireworks.
Jordan was only three days old and Jackie not yet two years, both too young to know what they were missing. But Gina was seven, already well acquainted with the tradition, and disappointed to give it up just because the weather was bad.
“Please, Daddy,” she begged. “There’s got to be something you can do!”
After mulling it over, Neil did what any dedicated dad would do, and came up with a plan. He decided to set the fireworks off on our deck.
He spent the late afternoon in preparation. He chopped ice off the railings and threw it overboard. He shoveled a path down the middle of the deck and salted it to minimize sliding. He made sure the windows were clear of winter dirt and dragged away any potentially flammable outdoor obstacles.
Once darkness fell, Neil pressed the oversized living room chair against the French doors and settled me in the middle with the baby nuzzled asleep in my lap. He perched Jackie and Gina on piles of fluffy blankets and excitedly revealed his plan. Bundled up like the Michelin Man, he headed outside.
Continue reading →A Common Language
The medical team hiked up the mountain, then cautiously across the narrow ridge. Donkeys carried our supplies, stepping tentatively in the worn path that extended as far as I could see. The sea sparkled in the distance without any hint of the pollution and trash that cluttered it.
The drab brown grey of the barren slopes gradually gave way to scraggly vegetation and tiny houses with drapes for front doors. The scrawny dogs and goats watched us trek by, and an occasional brave Haitian peeked out from the open-air windows.
Eventually a small village came into view in the distance at the crest of the trail. The vegetation increased: lush greens, tropical flowers, bananas, sugar cane, even a few small grapefruit trees. The people increased, too: a few working in their tiny gardens or washing clothes on rocks in puddles. It felt like we had traveled back in time. No running water, no bathrooms, no electricity. When we finally hiked into the center of the village, the sun was sinking in the sky. This was the village of Bon Se Jou.
Continue reading →The Raising of Lazarus
Dear friends, if our churches were open this weekend, many of us would hear the Gospel about the raising of Lazarus. It is one I’ve reflected on often, and I’d like to share one of my meditations on it with you.
Just click below and let the Holy Spirit guide you. Share it with as many people as you think need it, and if you can’t get it to work, shoot me an email and I’ll send it to you directly
PS: If you see this on Facebook, it crossed over automatically. I gave up social media for Lent so I won’t see your comments there – leave them here instead so I am sure to get them!
Christmas Mourning
I clearly remember our last Christmas with Neil. We spent it in the hospital without tree or decorations. Our daughters were there, and we feasted on pizza from a gas station while we snuggled on a bumpy hospital bed enjoying TV Christmas movies. We all knew what was coming, but we put aside the future in favor of the present. It was one of my favorite Christmases. We eat Christmas pizza in Neil’s honor ever since.
Continue reading →A Tale of Two Miracles
My daughter, Jordan, recently ran her first half marathon. As with her sister before her, I planned to cheer from various vantage points along the course.
“See you at five miles, ten and the finish line!” I called, dropping her off as close to the starting point as I could. The early morning air was chilly and brisk, full of excitement as other runners were dropped off and other families wished them good luck.
Only after she got out of the car did I realize two important problems. The first was that many streets were closed that morning to accommodate the runners. The second was that I do not know Richmond at all. My GPS did not acknowledge the closed roads, and the detour signs were inconsistent. I gave up the plan to cheer at the 5th and 10th mile markers and decided instead to head out of the downtown area to a park the course passed through. I figured at least there would be parking at a park and said a quick prayer for God to help me find my way.
Unfortunately, all the roads that accessed the park were closed, and there was no easy go-around. I drove around aimlessly for a while, in and out of charming neighborhoods, where people were still asleep or at least warm inside enjoying their coffee. I pulled in front of a little bungalow, just as a couple and their dog came out. I rolled down the window and asked if they knew where the marathon route was.
Continue reading →Control and Worry and Trust, Oh My!
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about trust. Such a simple word to say; such a difficult thing to do.
I realize I don’t quite trust anyone but myself. I spend a lot of mental energy devising back up plans: an alternate dinner in case my daughter forgets its her turn to cook; a dog sitter list in case my regular one cancels at the last minute; a different route to work in case there is flooding or road work. If I’m honest, I don’t even trust God; I ask for His help but always have a plan of my own in case He doesn’t come through. I waste so much time preparing for events that never even happen. What an exhausting way to live!
Maybe it grew out of the knowledge that no one is perfect and that even those we love can let us down. More likely it grew out of my ongoing need for control -another simple word, but one that can wreak havoc on my life. I bet you can relate.
Control is illusive. Every time I think I’ve come up with a contingency plan for the problems in my life, something unexpected pops up. Every time I think I have my schedule – or my house, or my patients, or my diet or my exercise, etc. – under control, something unexpected derails me.
Continue reading →Living Life: Frittering or Fulfilled?
Every now and then, its good to sit back and take stock. It’s the sort of thing people do on their birthdays, or New Year’s Eve.
Neil and I did it every summer on our annual visit to the Outer Banks as we sat out on the balcony after the girls went to bed. From our high perch we could hear the ocean and see the stretch of houses that lined the streets of Whalehead Beach. We often sipped on a glass of wine or feasted on a cup of coffee and extravagant dessert, but despite the changing accompaniment, the conversation was consistent.
Life is peaceful and relaxed at the beach; what can we bring home to make life peaceful and relaxed there, too?
This is how we decided to make our house more open by tearing down the wall between the kitchen and dining room. This is how we came up for a landscape design for a simple swimming pool. This is how I decided I couldn’t work in the ER for my whole life.
Continue reading →On Being Fickle
It is 92 degrees on this second to last day of September. Thunder rolls in the distance, while heat lightening dances overhead. The air is so humid that the dog and I are sweating and panting after the first few steps of our walk.
“Where are the cool, crisp days of autumn?” I lament.
Then I recall how just a few days ago at work I shivered in my white coat despite three layers underneath, and secretly prayed the office air conditioner would break. That day I longed to feel warm.
And in just a few months, when I go out for a walk in the snow, today’s weather will come to mind. I’ll wish for my sweaty T-shirt and shorts instead of my heavy boots and stuffy parka.
Continue reading →This Storm Will Pass
God is with us in even the worst storms……
It is raining. Hard. The wind blows horizontal sheets of rain that bombard the window like plaques of pebbles. Thunder rattles the walls and the wind gusts through unseen cracks in the door jam. Lightening flashes across the sky, showcasing the trees as they bend and dance in the wind and lighting up the river that now streams down my driveway.
Continue reading →You’re Right Where You’re Supposed to Be
Ever wonder if you heard God wrong and you’re supposed to be doing something different? Periodically those thoughts tiptoe uninvited into my brain, and I wrestle with what-if questions, too
Last week I met some very powerful and accomplished women at a conference. Jealousy crept in as I mulled over how old I am, questioned dreams I have yet to fulfill, and wondered about where I am in life. One of those powerful women happened to be with me at the time and my doubts spilled into our small group sharing.
“Maybe you’re exactly where your supposed to be,” she said. “Maybe Satan is trying to discourage you because you’re doing such a good job.” Her comment caught me off guard, and frankly, surprised me. I rarely think about the devil and speak of him even less. I thanked her at the end of our session and headed outside for time to consider her words.
What an interesting theory, I reflected as I meandered onto a nature trail next to the conference center. As usually happens when I am outdoors, my thoughts lightened. The sunshine warmed my perspective and my face; the birds distracted me with their song, and the plants and flowers perked my curiosity. Gradually I felt better and headed back for the next meeting.
As I crossed onto a boardwalk over classic North Carolina swampland, a dozen birds up ahead pranced on the path and squawked loudly. I didn’t pay much attention, until the stick they were fussing over raised its head and hissed. The snake was sill a good fifteen feet ahead of me, but the wooden path was narrow and the swamp below squishy with mud.
Continue reading →Seven Wise Teachings We Should All Remember
Tomorrow would have been Neil’s 62nd birthday. It’s nice to think of him today and smile without tears. He wasn’t perfect like me (lol) but he sure did have his good points. He was the most generous person I ever met– he would give away his shirt if someone else needed it – and in fact, on several occasions, did just that. He was level-headed and calm and loved to laugh – even when his jokes weren’t funny. And he had a remarkable wisdom that I didn’t always appreciate at the time. This is an old post, but it seems appropriate to resurrect it:
Neil had a way of teaching me things. Sometimes I learned from him, other times I learned because of him, but in retrospect he was pretty wise. Here are seven of his great life lessons we should all remember.
1. Don’t be afraid. Be reasonable, but don’t be afraid – to try something new, to go somewhere alone, to make a new friend, to do what you want.
2. Be compassionate to everyone – young people, old people, tattooed people, long-haired people, smokers, drinkers, drug users, folks in jail – because underneath it all they’re just people like us. No one is perfect, and every one of us is human and flawed, yet God loves us all. We should love each other.
Continue reading →The Camino Trail Part 3: What I Brought Home
Last month I had the incredible experience of hiking the Camino de Santiago in Spain. Here’s the third installment about the adventure!
People talk about leaving something behind on the Camino: grief or anger or other emotional baggage that weighs them down. I wondered if my walk would uncover something I needed to abandon in order to happily move forward. Oddly, I don’t think I left anything behind, but I did bring something back: fresh eyes for my everyday pilgrimage.
The Camino Trail Part 2: Blessings on the Way
Last month I had the incredible experience of hiking the Camino de Santiago in Spain. Here’s the second installment about the adventure!
An often-repeated comment by people who have hiked the Camino is that they were touched by others they met along the way. (Have you seen the movie The Way? If so, you know what I mean). I expected to make new friends in our pilgrim tour group, but I didn’t expect to be moved by strangers on the walk. As always, God is full of surprises.
One morning, after snapping pictures of several beautiful vistas, I accidently dropped my cell phone into the zippered air vent of my jacket instead of the zippered pocket. Did the walkers 500 feet back see it fall? Or did they just happen to find it? Did the Holy Spirit point it out to them? All I know is that from my spot on the road ahead, I gradually noticed their shouts: “Amigo! Friend! Pilgrim! Peregrino! Hey!”
When I finally turned around, a couple was quickly approaching, the woman frantically waving my cell phone above her head.
“Thank you!” I exclaimed, my heart pounding and panicked at the thought I almost lost it. For the next few hours I thought about my excessive affection for my phone. It’s loaded with pictures and important contacts to be sure, but after all, it’s just a phone. What other possessions am I overly attached to? I remembered the admonition to enjoy the blessings and gifts God gives you while you have them, but graciously let them go when it’s time. It gave me something to pray about for the rest of that day.
These were not the only kind strangers. Although nature provides plenty of outdoor bathroom space along the trail, most hikers try to use an indoor one.
Continue reading →The Camino Trail Part 1: What is it and Why Did I Do It?
Last month I had the incredible experience of hiking the Camino de Santiago in Spain. I know it will take weeks to process the whole experience, but in the meantime, here’s the first installment!
“What is it?” is easier to answer. The Camino de Santiago, or the Way of Saint James, is a Catholic pilgrimage to the city of Santiago de Compostela in the Galicia region of Spain. The Apostle St James, one of the two sons of Zebedee and brother to the “Beloved Apostle” John, is traditionally thought to be buried there. He is the patron saint of Spain since he evangelized the country and according to legend, interceded on its behalf in battle against the Moors.
People have walked the trail for over 1200 years, and it now attracts more than 300,000 pilgrims annually. Those who walk at least 100 km receive the Compostela, a colorful handwritten certificate authenticating their accomplishment (though in my case, the handwriting proclaimed my name as Mr. Arnold Colleen). Pilgrims carry a Camino passport booklet, which is stamped at least once or twice a day in various towns, chapels, and post offices along the way, to validate the distance and time walked.
For a lot of modern walkers, the Camino provides simply a vacation – a chance to exercise, get away from technology, eat well, and explore the stunning countryside. For others, it is a pilgrimage of challenge and achievement, celebrating a landmark birthday or event like retirement. For many, though, the pilgrimage is still a quest for prayer, faith and spiritual growth.
So why did I do it?
Continue reading →How Do I Get Through This?
“How am I going to get through this?” my friend asked, as quiet tears slid down her weary-eyed face. There was no easy answer for her question, so I just reached across the table and held her hand.
The odd thing was that she was the fourth person lately who asked that same question. My guess is that each of us has asked it before, probably more than once. Between the grief of a husband’s sudden death, the loss of a miscarriage, a terrifying health diagnosis, and unexpected marital separations, it seems I know a lot of people who are struggling. I have been thinking about how I survived when Neil died. Here’s some thoughts.
Help! I’m Drowning!
Although we lived on a lake in my early childhood and I knew how to ice skate, I never learned then how to swim. I loved the water; I just didn’t feel any overwhelming desire to be under it.
Then came third grade swimming lessons at the community pool. I tried to love the lessons, really, I did, but there was nothing fun about being cold and wet. My tense paper-weight-like body refused to float and instead I reliably sank. While the other beginner students jumped in and out with joyful abandon, I gently lowered myself inch by chilly inch into the water. Instead of graceful arms and fluttering feet my strokes looked like a flapping chicken hit the water. So, when the day came for everyone to jump off the diving board, I was not enthusiastic.
My mom wisely stayed home that day, and my dad came instead. I had no intention of going off the board, but he gradually talked me into it. After watching everyone else have their turn, and noting no near-death experiences, I decided I could at least try. Here is a key detail though: I still couldn’t really swim. Everyone thought that as soon as I jumped into the deep end, weeks of lessons would suddenly click, and I would paddle proudly over to the edge and climb out. That most definitely did not happen.
Continue reading →On the Love of a Puppy
Last summer I babysat my best friend’s ten-week-old German Shepherd. I had forgotten how hard it is to take care of a puppy, and if you have too, let me remind you.
He was not yet housebroken, so I was careful not to trip in any wayward puddles. At any sign of an impending squat I quickly snatched him up and raced outside to the grass. His sharp little puppy teeth innocently found their way to every single drawer knob and rocker bottom in my house, despite my attempts to guide them to things less dangerous to chew. He raced like a victorious bull through the screen door that eventually fell in surrender around him. He shredded not only the newspaper that was supposed to help him learn housetraining, but every single toy that his owner sent with him. My floors looked like cotton fields with all the white fluff scattered across them.
And yet, he was so darn cute. My voice was strong in the moments when I scolded him, “No!” but he was quickly forgiven as he breathed puppy breath into my face and licked me with his happy tongue. He chewed my flip flop then looked at me with soulful apologetic eyes that melted my heart. Who cares about flip flops? I thought to myself. His clumsy paws got tangled in my feet, and before I could even reprimand him, I laughed as we ended up on the floor. And when he finally fell asleep and snuggled at the foot of the bed, I smiled at the sound of gentle snoring and little legs prancing in happy puppy dreams. I fell in love with this dog – and he wasn’t even mine. Imagine how I’d feel if I was the one who chose him out of the litter to call my own.
Continue reading →My Imperfect Valentine Heart
Jackie was only four days old. She was a crier, and she wasn’t the playful baby sister that Gina had anticipated. Her bald little head and pale eyebrows were delightful to me but looked like an alien face to Gina. And at 6 years old, having to share mom and dad with a baby who looks like a creature from outer space is a challenge.
I was still in the same clothes I wore home from the hospital (a baby who never sleeps can do that to even a normally sane person), but when I realized it was Valentine’s Day and Gina was bringing a friend home from school in a few hours, I knew I had to do something. Neil had helped Gina write out her cards for the first-grade mailbox, but this year, we needed more. I left baby Jackie sleeping with Neil and praying no one would see me, headed off to the local drug store.
Continue reading →When All You Want is to Give Up
Its was one of the worst winters we ever had. Snow was three feet deep on our hilly, gravel road. It was also a time when I worked in the emergency department at the local hospital. ERs don’t shut down no matter the weather, ever.
Knowing I wouldn’t be able to get to work otherwise, the hospital sent the national guard to collect me for the night shift. The snow was too deep for the even Humvee to travel the ¾ mile from the main road, so the soldiers called ahead to say they would walk to my house and carry me back to the vehicle. Mortified, I left home long before they were scheduled to arrive. The snow was literally up to my hips and I made it less than half way before I met two guardsman.
“You were supposed to stay put so we could carry you,” one sweet young man admonished.
“There is no way anyone is going to carry me,” I retorted.
Continue reading →The End of Arguing: That’s an Interesting Perspective
Over the holidays I witnessed several disagreements. Nothing serious, just typical quarrels, everyone involved determined to prove their point. Alcohol tends to bring out the debater in people, but even many sober people seem to genuinely enjoy arguing.
Some points are facts – medical issues for example, or how to properly take care of wool. Lots more are opinion. Should a certain book belong on the best seller list, or is it there only because of the author’s fame? Should underwear show above a young man’s pants, which are hanging down practically to his knees, or is respectful attire more important than personal freedom? Why does modern music have to include vulgarity?
Certain subjects are important and worth arguing, but many aren’t. And how often do we succeed in convincing someone else to change their opinion, especially on things that don’t really matter in the long run? Not very often – at least not in my case.
I remember one squabble Neil and I had years ago. It was a stupid one, as most of ours were. Frankly, we were only still arguing because we both had an intense need to be right and to have the last word. It went on for a ridiculous amount of time, as neither wanted to concede, even though on some level we both wanted it to end.
Continue reading →He is Risen!
Happy Easter, dear friends!
Over these weeks of Lent, we’ve tried to be mindful of the words and ways we speak to others.
Our wearied souls are soothed when we use the Bible’s rich advice to perfect the pause, measure our motives, monitor our methods, build our brothers, and learn to leave.
When our words are kind and gentle, our spirits will be, too. We have fewer regrets and become more charitable and peaceful.
Today, let’s wield our words well, confident in the guidance of God’s Word.
Yes, He is risen, and with that joy, we can rest in the knowledge that God loves us even if we haven’t perfected the challenge of using our words well. He knows we’re not perfect.
But we can keep trying!
-colleen
Watching Our Words in Lent (Part 6)
Welcome to Holy Week! This weekend, we celebrate Palm Sunday, and one more week until Easter – still plenty of time to work on choosing our words well.
Part 6: Learn to Leave
Our last idea is to learn when to leave the conversation; sometimes, the best choice is simply to walk away.
Despite what society seems to teach, I don’t need to have the last word.
It’s ok to leave a conversation without getting in that clever jab, that smart retort that will prove how right I am.
I don’t have to convince everyone of my opinion.
In the same way, I don’t have to take offense at each callous comment I hear; not everything is meant to insult me. Often, it’s a lack of awareness on the speaker’s part.
And those people who intentionally upset or offend me often do so just to make themselves feel better. I don’t need to justify myself to them – the only opinion of me that matters is God’s!
There is a time to speak and a time to be silent (Ecclesiastes. 3:7).
Let’s continue using our words to make the world a sweeter place. Next week is Easter- see you then!
-colleen
Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.
Watching Our Words in Lent (Part 5)
Welcome Back! I hope we’re all making our conversations sweeter. We’ve only got two weeks until Easter – plenty of time for more progress!
Week 4: Build up Others
In some ways, this week’s idea is a continuation of the last, and builds on the idea of speaking gently and respectfully to encourage others. Words have the power to wound and hurt, but they also have the power to inspire and heal. Our sweet comments can do immeasurable good in this wounded world, and there are opportunities every day to recognize and appreciate one another.
For from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will render an account for every careless word they speak (Matthew 12:34,36).
We can use our words to complement another’s hard work instead of letting it go unnoticed: try to give at least one sincere compliment every day.
We can use our words to show gratitude for kindness rather than taking it for granted: try to say thank you for even small gestures
We can use our words to remind those we love how much they mean to us: take time to tell your spouse or children you love them. Not just a quick, “Love you!” as we run out the door to work or school, but with heartfelt attention in a quiet moment.
Kindness begets kindness, and our appreciation for others soothes our own hearts as well.
Pleasing words are a honeycomb, sweet to the taste and invigorating to the bones
(Proverbs 16:24).
Let’s continue using our words to make the world a sweeter place. Come back next week for one last idea. See you then!
-colleen
Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34
Watching Our Words in Lent (Part 4)
Welcome back to our Lenten challenge! I hope we’re all making progress, taking a sweet pause before we speak, and assessing the “why” behind our words.
Our next step is to consider how we deliver our comments, not only our words, but our posture, and timing as well. Our remarks should always be gentle and respectful, considerate of others’ feelings. Sometimes our motives are kind, but our word choice is insensitive. Harsh words are rarely productive and generally put others on the defensive. Again, a good question to ask myself is, “How would I feel if someone said this to me? “
A mild answer turns back wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
Words are not the only way we communicate; we also use body language and facial expressions.
Am I saying something mean, but delivering it with a false smile?
Am I saying something nice, but revealing my negative thoughts by the look on my face? Other people can easily read our true feelings. When our words and feelings contradict each other, we will not be trusted, and our words will not be helpful.
Finally, we should consider our timing. For example, I don’t have to share details about my great promotion right after my neighbor loses her job. I don’t need to tell a friend about my daughter’s full scholarship award the day after her son gets his college rejection letter. Yes, people I love will want to celebrate my good news, but it is more considerate to choose the right time to share.
Golden apples in silver settings are words spoken at the proper time (Proverbs 25:11).
Let’s continue working on our words even before we speak them. But this week, let’s also consider our body language, facial expressions, and timing, too. Come back next week, and we’ll add another idea. See you then!
-colleen
Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.
Watching Our Words in Lent (Part 3)
Only a month until Easter!
I hope we’re all making progress on sweetening our words and communication.
Week 3: Measure Your Motive
For the past two weeks, we’ve been learning to pause before we speak, allowing the Holy Spirit to help us choose our words well. Our challenge this week is to consider the “why” behind our words after we take our pause. For example:
Am I seeking revenge or retaliation? If so, I do best to hold my tongue.
Am I bragging? The sin of pride is often a subtle one.
If I am giving advice, is it to make myself look better?
Or to make the other person look worse? If so, I should skip the comments.
And even if my response is well-intended, is it wanted? Will my words actually help the situation? Unsolicited advice can often come across as criticism. “The next time you make this dish, you should bake it longer,” sounds a lot like “You didn’t cook this right.” Let’s ask ourselves, “How would I feel if someone said this to me?”
Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)
Let’s continue working on using our pause to consider our “whys” before a word even leaves our mouths. Come back next week, and we’ll add another idea. See you then!
-colleen
Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.