Help! I’m Drowning!

Although we lived on a lake in my early childhood and I knew how to ice skate, I never learned then how to swim. I loved the water; I just didn’t feel any overwhelming desire to be under it.

Then came third grade swimming lessons at the community pool. I tried to love the lessons, really, I did, but there was nothing fun about being cold and wet. My tense paper-weight-like body refused to float and instead I reliably sank. While the other beginner students jumped in and out with joyful abandon, I gently lowered myself inch by chilly inch into the water. Instead of graceful arms and fluttering feet my strokes looked like a flapping chicken hit the water. So, when the day came for everyone to jump off the diving board, I was not enthusiastic. 

My mom wisely stayed home that day, and my dad came instead. I had no intention of going off the board, but he gradually talked me into it. After watching everyone else have their turn, and noting no near-death experiences, I decided I could at least try. Here is a key detail though: I still couldn’t really swim. Everyone thought that as soon as I jumped into the deep end, weeks of lessons would suddenly click, and I would paddle proudly over to the edge and climb out. That most definitely did not happen.

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The Lifelong Challenge: To Love, Not Control

It was a hot, hazy August day in Virginia Beach, and one that taught me a lesson about my impossible desire to be in control.

Neil, Gina and I were on a mini-vacation before she started kindergarten. We had a cozy base camp on the beach with chairs and umbrellas, a well-stocked cooler and a giant pail of sand toys. We even invited a babysitter along, so Neil and I could truly relax.

At one point, I realized Gina and the sitter weren’t anywhere in sight. “Neil, do you see Lisa and Gina?” He scoured the shoreline but couldn’t see them either. “They probably just went on a walk to look for shells. They’ll be right back,” he said calmly as he popped a beer can and settled back into his beach chair.

After about 15 minutes they still hadn’t reappeared, and I got worried. “I’m going to look for them,” I told Neil, and headed off in the direction I last saw them.  Along the way I saw plenty of 5-year-olds picking up shells and building castles with imaginative abandon, but no Gina. I saw plenty of teenagers splashing tentatively on the shore, discretely checking around to see who was watching them. No Lisa. Continue reading →

When We Don’t Do the Good We Want

I carted my sweet dog, Buddy, to the veterinarian last week for a checkup. He hates the car, and usually whimpers before I even turn the key to start the engine, but that day he was oddly happy. He let the breeze blow across his face and sniffed happily at all the scents we passed. As soon as we got into the office, though, the whining started as if he had been saving it up. It got louder and louder until it became a long, drawn-out, pitiful howl. And it kept going, and going and going…

Other animals looked at him with alarm and concern. Other pet parents stepped back, envisioning with the scene they knew could materialize at any minute. He forcefully resisted the ten steps to the exam room with every bit of his 35 dense pounds. He refused to allow himself to be lifted onto the exam table, and he nipped at the vet’s hand as she reached out to pet him. By that point the howling had ceased and been replaced by the most threatening snarl a dachshund’s cute face could muster. Continue reading →