Recently a strange and unexpected thing happened in the cemetery. It reminded me once again that worry does not do a bit of good!
I believe that Neil’s ashes belong in holy ground, not on a shelf or scattered, but it took a while for me to decide where that holy spot would be. Only recently, I chose a local cemetery plot, and our priest blessed it and stood with me as Neil was buried. Until I select a permanent tombstone, the grave is adorned with only a simple marker. Even so, it’s a lovely spot: peacefully quiet, shaded by a dogwood tree, and close to other people we knew. I’ve developed a habit of strolling through the cemetery after church, and it has become a comforting ritual.
On one such evening, I saw from a distance bare earth where I estimated Neil’s grave should be. Hoping it was just the summer sun playing tricks on my eyes, I hurried ahead. Nope, there was the marker, right in the middle of bare, dry earth where last week had been green grass.
My initial fear was that someone dug up the grave and stole my husband’s ashes. Ridiculous I know. First, my mom is the only person who even knows where the grave is. Second, who would want Neil’s ashes? My fingers traced the square patch of dirt and itched to scratch right down through it to see if “anything” was missing. My sanity returned before I morphed into a lunatic grave digger. I reassured myself there was a perfectly good explanation – I would just have to wait until Monday when the cemetery office reopened to find out what it was.
I wish I could say I completely succeeded in putting it out of my head. My nature is to worry, even when there is nothing I can do besides that. I’ve wasted so many hours worrying about things that are out of my control. Dear reader, I suspect you have, too! But God makes it clear we are not to worry:
“Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? Why are you anxious? Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.”
(Matthew 6:25, 27, 34).
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7).
Our worry equates to doubt – doubt that God is in control; doubt that He wants only good for us; doubt that He can bring good out of all situations. My mind wrestled with the demon of worry that weekend, but there were periods when I was able to surrender it and even forget about the grave situation.
I called the cemetery office first thing Monday morning, and sure enough, there was a perfectly good explanation – in fact, a very sweet one. The cemetery staff noticed that recent heavy rains had caused some of the freshly dug graves to sink. They shoveled new soil on top and planted fresh grass seed. If my hand had dug into the dirt that Saturday night, I would have found the old grass safely undisturbed beneath it.
Lord, I don’t want to waste my life worrying about things that are out of my control. Please help me remember that you have counted the hairs on my head and can take even the worst of this world and use it for my good.