Holding Holy Hands

April 20, 2016 / colleen arnold / 8 Comments

I sat at my desk toward the end of the day, looking at the beautiful row of flowering pear blossoms outside my office window. As I watched, a couple came out of the hotel next door, heading to the restaurant across the parking lot. She was pleasantly dressed, and wore her gray streaked hair pulled back from her face. He wore jeans and a button- down shirt, strolling comfortably in well -worn boots. They were just an ordinary couple on a trip together, talking easily, on their way to dinner. I was fine with that, not sad or jealous at all. I almost looked away in time, almost got my attention back to my desk, but then I saw it.

They were holding hands. Continue reading →

Missing the Present for Seeing the Future

April 6, 2016 / colleen arnold / 8 Comments

Neil and I had hoped to retire at age 62. I knew his death would have financial ramifications, but in the last few months I started to wonder just what they would be.

In an attempt to help, my financial advisor gave me a checklist for assessing my future plans. I have to admit, this was hard. Not just because of the detailed financial budget questions, but because I had to look to the future.

Until then I had started to adjust to my present and cherish my past, but I had not yet been able to embrace my future. Neil and I dreamed of exploring the world in a little camper. We were going to drink coffee all morning, then sit around the campfire counting stars and drinking beer or wine all evening. We were going to surprise our relatives with unexpected visits. We were going to stay with friends at the beach, and while Neil napped or read in a hammock I would explore the shoreline collecting shells. Continue reading →

You’re not the Boss of Me!

March 23, 2016 / colleen arnold / 4 Comments

Many years of being an emergency physician taught me how to quickly assess a patient and determine what needed to be done. Looking at the patient and the monitors, I could call out orders – meds, IVs, breathing treatments- and my great staff jumped in and did them.

Many years of being a restaurant manager taught Neil how to quickly assess the dining room and determine what needed to be done. He could read his customers instantly and know who was getting impatient, who didn’t like their meal, who needed something at their table; and he too, could direct his staff to do what was required.

We were two adults used to “bossing” people around and were both very good at what we did. That was great for our jobs, but it was terrible for our marriage. Continue reading →

On Being a Very Important Person

March 9, 2016 / colleen arnold / 6 Comments

This past New Years my daughters and I weren’t quite ready to celebrate without Neil, so we decided to go on a cruise. A week before the trip, I received a strange message on my cell phone. It was from an executive at the cruise line, offering a “once in a lifetime opportunity.” I was certain it was one of those offers that are more trouble than they’re worth (“take a short 4 hour tour of the ship and will give you this free gift!”) but something possessed me to call back.

It really was a vice president of the cruise line, and the phone number he had given me was the direct line to his office. As soon as I told him my name, he said, “ I am so glad you called right back. I have great news!” Don’t fall for it, I starting chanting to myself, already regretting the impulsive decision to return the call. “This doesn’t happen often, but the Owner’s Suite on your ship is open and we’d like to offer it to you,” he said. “There are a few fees associated with it, but it’s not much more than the room you’ve already booked and it would be perfect for a group of girls.” Continue reading →

Trust the Pilot

February 28, 2016 / colleen arnold / 6 Comments

Have you ever been in a hot air balloon? The pilot uses a propane fire to heat the air inside the balloon, and since hot air rises, the balloon floats upward. As the air inside it cools, the balloon descends. The pilot can’t really steer, but he goes up and down until he finds a wind current that carries him in the direction he wants to go. The balloon can’t travel any faster than the wind – if there’s no wind the balloon just sits there in the sky. The passengers are carried in a basket made of wicker which is a fairly sturdy, flexible material, and can absorb some of the energy shock during landing. And speaking of landing, the pilot is improvising moment to moment. He doesn’t know where he is going to land until the end of the flight based on the wind currents he finds and the geography he sees. He needs a reliable ground crew to pick him up wherever he lands. Fascinating, right?

Neil and I thought so, too, so we celebrated our first wedding anniversary with an early morning hot air balloon ride. Continue reading →