Category: Listening

Watching Our Words in Lent (Part 3)

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Only a month until Easter!
I hope we’re all making progress on sweetening our words and communication.

Week 3: Measure Your Motive

For the past two weeks, we’ve been learning to pause before we speak, allowing the Holy Spirit to help us choose our words well. Our challenge this week is to consider the “why” behind our words after we take our pause. For example:

Am I seeking revenge or retaliation? If so, I do best to hold my tongue.
Am I bragging? The sin of pride is often a subtle one.
If I am giving advice, is it to make myself look better?
Or to make the other person look worse? If so, I should skip the comments.

And even if my response is well-intended, is it wanted? Will my words actually help the situation? Unsolicited advice can often come across as criticism. “The next time you make this dish, you should bake it longer,” sounds a lot like “You didn’t cook this right.” Let’s ask ourselves, “How would I feel if someone said this to me?”

Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)

Let’s continue working on using our pause to consider our “whys” before a word even leaves our mouths. Come back next week, and we’ll add another idea. See you then!

-colleen

Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.

Watching Our Words in Lent (Part 2)

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Only five more weeks to go before Easter! Last week, we challenged each other to use this time to “fast” from unkind words and to “give away” kind ones instead, hoping to emerge at the end of Lent with new habits to keep our words sweeter than jellybeans.

Week Two: Learn to Pause, Part 2

We noted the first step in all this is to learn to pause before we speak, allowing the Holy Spirit to help us choose our words well. That pause helps us make better decisions. By reflecting before replying automatically, I avoid saying “yes” when I don’t mean it. I avoid saying “no” to something I would have agreed to with more consideration.

This week, we’ll continue working to perfect that pause. Another advantage is that it helps us recognize conversations we’d rather not be part of. Some people are debaters who love to argue; some are complainers who find fault in everything; others are full of sarcasm or gossip. By holding our tongues, we avoid contributing to those negative words, criticisms, and complaints.

Set a guard, Lord, before my mouth, keep watch over the door of my lips.

(Psalm 141:3)

Finally, perfecting the pause helps us become better listeners. It’s a common practice to interrupt others in conversation: “I know just what you’re talking about! Here’s what happened to me.” And even if we aren’t actually saying it out loud, we are often thinking it, ready to jump in as soon as the other person takes a breath.

Knowing I will pause before I speak allows a different approach. I can listen thoughtfully when someone else is speaking and give them my full attention, which helps me feel more connected and empathetic. I can stop thinking ahead to my response. When they finish their comments, I can pause and carefully choose my words before speaking, fostering trust and respect.

Know this, my dear brothers: everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak.

(James 1:19)

Let’s continue working on this sweet pause over the upcoming days. Come back next week, and we’ll add another idea. See you then!

-colleen

Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.

God Goes to Great Lengths To Get Our Attention!

/ colleen arnold / 4 Comments

It was a gorgeous day. No humidity, faint breeze, wisps of white clouds – the kind of day that hints autumn is around the corner even as summer lingers. I was walking along the old rails-to-trails path behind my house.

Several miles from home, far from any roads or accesses points, something unusual happened. You’d think I’d feel the vibration underneath my feet. Or hear the motor as it approached. Nope. You’d think I’d notice the odd way my dog was acting as he kept looking over his shoulder.

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A Common Language

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The medical team hiked up the mountain, then cautiously across the narrow ridge. Donkeys carried our supplies, stepping tentatively in the worn path that extended as far as I could see. The sea sparkled in the distance without any hint of the pollution and trash that cluttered it.

The drab brown grey of the barren slopes gradually gave way to scraggly vegetation and tiny houses with drapes for front doors. The scrawny dogs and goats watched us trek by, and an occasional brave Haitian peeked out from the open-air windows.

Eventually a small village came into view in the distance at the crest of the trail. The vegetation increased: lush greens, tropical flowers, bananas, sugar cane, even a few small grapefruit trees. The people increased, too: a few working in their tiny gardens or washing clothes on rocks in puddles. It felt like we had traveled back in time. No running water, no bathrooms, no electricity. When we finally hiked into the center of the village, the sun was sinking in the sky. This was the village of Bon Se Jou.

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The Camino Trail Part 1: What is it and Why Did I Do It?

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Last month I had the incredible experience of hiking the Camino de Santiago in Spain. I know it will take weeks to process the whole experience, but in the meantime, here’s the first installment!

On the Camino

“What is it?” is easier to answer. The Camino de Santiago, or the Way of Saint James, is a Catholic pilgrimage to the city of Santiago de Compostela in the Galicia region of Spain. The Apostle St James, one of the two sons of Zebedee and brother to the “Beloved Apostle” John, is traditionally thought to be buried there. He is the patron saint of Spain since he evangelized the country and according to legend, interceded on its behalf in battle against the Moors.

People have walked the trail for over 1200 years, and it now attracts more than 300,000 pilgrims annually. Those who walk at least 100 km receive the Compostela, a colorful handwritten certificate authenticating their accomplishment (though in my case, the handwriting proclaimed my name as Mr. Arnold Colleen). Pilgrims carry a Camino passport booklet, which is stamped at least once or twice a day in various towns, chapels, and post offices along the way, to validate the distance and time walked.  

My Compostela

For a lot of modern walkers, the Camino provides simply a vacation – a chance to exercise, get away from technology, eat well, and explore the stunning countryside. For others, it is a pilgrimage of challenge and achievement, celebrating a landmark birthday or event like retirement. For many, though, the pilgrimage is still a quest for prayer, faith and spiritual growth.

So why did I do it?

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