Welcome to Holy Week! This weekend, we celebrate Palm Sunday, and one more week until Easter – still plenty of time to work on choosing our words well.
Part 6: Learn to Leave
Our last idea is to learn when to leave the conversation; sometimes, the best choice is simply to walk away.
Despite what society seems to teach, I don’t need to have the last word. It’s ok to leave a conversation without getting in that clever jab, that smart retort that will prove how right I am. I don’t have to convince everyone of my opinion.
In the same way, I don’t have to take offense at each callous comment I hear; not everything is meant to insult me. Often, it’s a lack of awareness on the speaker’s part.
And those people who intentionally upset or offend me often do so just to make themselves feel better. I don’t need to justify myself to them – the only opinion of me that matters is God’s!
There is a time to speak and a time to be silent (Ecclesiastes. 3:7).
Let’s continue using our words to make the world a sweeter place. Next week is Easter- see you then!
-colleen
Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.
Welcome back to our Lenten challenge! I hope we’re all making progress, taking a sweet pause before we speak, and assessing the “why” behind our words.
Our next step is to consider how we deliver our comments, not only our words, but our posture, and timing as well. Our remarks should always be gentle and respectful, considerate of others’ feelings. Sometimes our motives are kind, but our word choice is insensitive. Harsh words are rarely productive and generally put others on the defensive. Again, a good question to ask myself is, “How would I feel if someone said this to me? “
A mild answer turns back wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1).
Words are not the only way we communicate; we also use body language and facial expressions. Am I saying something mean, but delivering it with a false smile? Am I saying something nice, but revealing my negative thoughts by the look on my face? Other people can easily read our true feelings. When our words and feelings contradict each other, we will not be trusted, and our words will not be helpful.
Finally, we should consider our timing. For example, I don’t have to share details about my great promotion right after my neighbor loses her job. I don’t need to tell a friend about my daughter’s full scholarship award the day after her son gets his college rejection letter. Yes, people I love will want to celebrate my good news, but it is more considerate to choose the right time to share.
Golden apples in silver settings are words spoken at the proper time (Proverbs 25:11).
Let’s continue working on our words even before we speak them. But this week, let’s also consider our body language, facial expressions, and timing, too. Come back next week, and we’ll add another idea. See you then!
-colleen
Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.
Only a month until Easter! I hope we’re all making progress on sweetening our words and communication.
Week 3: Measure Your Motive
For the past two weeks, we’ve been learning to pause before we speak, allowing the Holy Spirit to help us choose our words well. Our challenge this week is to consider the “why” behind our words after we take our pause. For example:
Am I seeking revenge or retaliation? If so, I do best to hold my tongue. Am I bragging? The sin of pride is often a subtle one. If I am giving advice, is it to make myself look better? Or to make the other person look worse? If so, I should skip the comments.
And even if my response is well-intended, is it wanted? Will my words actually help the situation? Unsolicited advice can often come across as criticism. “The next time you make this dish, you should bake it longer,” sounds a lot like “You didn’t cook this right.” Let’s ask ourselves, “How would I feel if someone said this to me?”
Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)
Let’s continue working on using our pause to consider our “whys” before a word even leaves our mouths. Come back next week, and we’ll add another idea. See you then!
-colleen
Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.
Only five more weeks to go before Easter! Last week, we challenged each other to use this time to “fast” from unkind words and to “give away” kind ones instead, hoping to emerge at the end of Lent with new habits to keep our words sweeter than jellybeans.
Week Two: Learn to Pause, Part2
We noted the first step in all this is to learn to pause before we speak, allowing the Holy Spirit to help us choose our words well. That pause helps us make better decisions. By reflecting before replying automatically, I avoid saying “yes” when I don’t mean it. I avoid saying “no” to something I would have agreed to with more consideration.
This week, we’ll continue working to perfect that pause. Another advantage is that it helps us recognize conversations we’d rather not be part of. Some people are debaters who love to argue; some are complainers who find fault in everything; others are full of sarcasm or gossip. By holding our tongues, we avoid contributing to those negative words, criticisms, and complaints.
Set a guard, Lord, before my mouth, keep watch over the door of my lips.
(Psalm 141:3)
Finally, perfecting the pause helps us become better listeners. It’s a common practice to interrupt others in conversation: “I know just what you’re talking about! Here’s what happened to me.” And even if we aren’t actually saying it out loud, we are often thinking it, ready to jump in as soon as the other person takes a breath.
Knowing I will pause before I speak allows a different approach. I can listen thoughtfully when someone else is speaking and give them my full attention, which helps me feel more connected and empathetic. I can stop thinking ahead to my response. When they finish their comments, I can pause and carefully choose my words before speaking, fostering trust and respect.
Know this, my dear brothers: everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak.
(James 1:19)
Let’s continue working on this sweet pause over the upcoming days. Come back next week, and we’ll add another idea. See you then!
-colleen
Excerpts taken from: Arnold, Colleen. “5 Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION.” St. Anthony Messenger, vol. 129, no. 8, 2022, pp. 31-34.
Hello friends! I’ve missed you, and I am so glad you are here!
In the Catholic world, and even for many Protestants, Lent started a few days ago. Typically, Lent involves the opportunity to praise and honor God through fasting, prayer, and giving.
I’ve been thinking about doing something different than giving up candy (though there is nothing wrong with that!). I am going to watch what I say, hoping to be compassionate, kind, and not complain. What if we use this time of Lent to fast from unkind words and give kind ones instead?
Want to join me?
A few years ago, I wrote an article titled “Wield Your Words Well,” originally published in Saint Anthony Messenger Magazine. It was a simple five-step strategy based on wisdom from the Bible to remind us to always use our words with love.
It can be admirable to speak your mind and argue your cause, and sometimes it’s appropriate. I know I’m not alone, though, when I recall occasions when I spouted off quick and clever remarks that, in retrospect, were unkind and uncharitable. Haven’t we all spoken words that made us feel superior and witty at first, but later made us ask ourselves, “Why did I say that?”
And it’s not just those sarcastic remarks that get us in trouble. Our words can take us down paths of gossip and lies, too. Our tongues can be vicious weapons, and in this world of conflict and controversy, it’s even more important that we learn to wield those weapons carefully.
That’s my plan. Each week, I’ll share a new strategy that builds on the previous week’s practice. We’ll emerge at the end of Lent with words sweeter than jellybeans!
Week One: Learn to Pause, Part 1
Sometimes our mouths get ahead of our brains, and we spout off snarky remarks before we catch ourselves. Or worse yet, we don’t even realize what we’ve said until hours later – after the damage has been done. No wonder we read in Proverbs 29:20:
Do you see someone hasty in speech? There is more hope for a fool!
The first step in training our tongues is learning to pause; everything else flows from that. If we stop before we speak, the Holy Spirit can help us choose our words well. Silence isn’t a bad thing, and we don’t have to fill every pause in a conversation with words.
For example, pausing helps us make better decisions. By reflecting before an automatic reply, I avoid saying “yes” when I don’t mean it. I avoid saying “no” about something to which I would have agreed with more consideration.
Let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No’ mean ‘No.’ Anything more is from the evil one (Matthew 5:37).
Let’s practice this sweet pause over the upcoming days. Come back next week, and we’ll add another idea. See you then!
