This past Sunday was the third anniversary of Neil’s death. I had the fortune to be on vacation for the three days prior, but drove home in the ice and snow and rain of bad winter weather. Thinking that it would be unfortunate for me to have an accident on that particular day, I drove white knuckled for several hours in silent concentration. When I realized the weather had improved but I hadn’t relaxed, I pulled over to regroup.

Refreshed with a new cup of coffee and improved visibility on the road, I treated myself to music on my I-pod. The musical Wicked is a favorite, and when the song ‘For Good’ came on it caught my attention in a new way. I played it over and over again as I sang along at full volume:

I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return.
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you…

…It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime.
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you;
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend…

…..And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I’ve done, you blame me for.
But then, I guess we know
There’s blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore.

Neil heard my daughters and I sing that song dozens of times over the years, but on the drive home Sunday I sang it to him. My voice booming, full of honesty and dedication and love; it felt good to belt it out so loud that not only Neil and heaven heard it but probably the drivers in the other lane, too. Instead of feeling worse, I felt a whole lot better. Follow the link below to hear the song. Its not me singing – lucky for you – but you’ll get the idea. Then go sing it to someone you love. And if they are not physically present, God can relay the message.