Neil’s favorite place was our side patio. He sat there for hours musing about life and music and books and God. Back then I thought it was a terrible waste of time – I equated being still with being lazy. There were so many practical things that had to be done! There was always more yardwork, more housework, more children’s activities. It seemed downright irresponsible to just sit outside frittering away time watching clouds and bugs. Oh, how my mind has changed!

One of the unexpected blessings of my empty nest is that I have learned how to do nothing. It seems like a less than lofty goal in today’s world, but for an overachiever like me, it is an amazing accomplishment. While the world tells me that I need to be productive and active, my personal peace needs time to download. In the silence I can hear my thoughts and listen for the tiny whisper of God’s voice. I cringe at the thought of all the times I talked mindlessly to Neil while he was sitting quietly on the patio. I wish I had one more minute with him to let him know I understand now.

Obviously, this gift of knowledge came at great cost, and even then, it didn’t happen overnight. Managing a house all by yourself is hard work! It took me a long time to get into a manageable routine. At first, I was exhausted by bedtime, and fell asleep barely able to say my prayers let alone actually think about them. In the mornings, I hopped out of bed and into some activity, partly because there was so much to do, but also because one of the things I missed most after Neil’s death was our morning conversations. He always brought my coffee, and we laid in bed sharing plans and dreams and stories. After he died, the morning seemed so empty.

Gradually, I developed a new routine, and in that calm time started to pray. Although I loved  mornings with Neil, morning conversation with God has proven even better. Tuning in to God helps me tune out all the useless noise and clutter that takes up so much time and energy otherwise. I find myself more aware of my day, my feelings, others’ feelings, and much mindful of the grace and beauty around me.

I guess it’s fair to say I haven’t exactly learned to do nothing, because sitting with God is something. But I watch clouds and bugs and have learned to be still, and quiet, and tranquil. Even when the world thinks I am sitting lazily, I am simply resting with God. And its one of the best ways to get to know Him.

Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:11).