Control and Worry and Trust, Oh My!

November 2, 2019 / colleen arnold / Leave a comment Featured

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about trust. Such a simple word to say; such a difficult thing to do.

I realize I don’t quite trust anyone but myself. I spend a lot of mental energy devising back up plans: an alternate dinner in case my daughter forgets its her turn to cook; a dog sitter list in case my regular one cancels at the last minute; a different route to work in case there is flooding or road work. If I’m honest, I don’t even trust God; I ask for His help but always have a plan of my own in case He doesn’t come through. I waste so much time preparing for events that never even happen. What an exhausting way to live!

Maybe it grew out of the knowledge that no one is perfect and that even those we love can let us down. More likely it grew out of my ongoing need for control -another simple word, but one that can wreak havoc on my life. I bet you can relate.

Control is illusive. Every time I think I’ve come up with a contingency plan for the problems in my life, something unexpected pops up. Every time I think I have my schedule – or my house, or my patients, or my diet or my exercise, etc. – under control, something unexpected derails me.

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Living Life: Frittering or Fulfilled?

October 13, 2019 / colleen arnold / 6 Comments Featured

Every now and then, its good to sit back and take stock. It’s the sort of thing people do on their birthdays, or New Year’s Eve.

Neil and I did it every summer on our annual visit to the Outer Banks as we sat out on the balcony after the girls went to bed. From our high perch we could hear the ocean and see the stretch of houses that lined the streets of Whalehead Beach. We often sipped on a glass of wine or feasted on a cup of coffee and extravagant dessert, but despite the changing accompaniment, the conversation was consistent.

Life is peaceful and relaxed at the beach; what can we bring home to make life peaceful and relaxed there, too?

This is how we decided to make our house more open by tearing down the wall between the kitchen and dining room. This is how we came up for a landscape design for a simple swimming pool. This is how I decided I couldn’t work in the ER for my whole life.

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On Being Fickle

September 29, 2019 / colleen arnold / 2 Comments Featured

It is 92 degrees on this second to last day of September. Thunder rolls in the distance, while heat lightening dances overhead. The air is so humid that the dog and I are sweating and panting after the first few steps of our walk.

“Where are the cool, crisp days of autumn?” I lament.

Then I recall how just a few days ago at work I shivered in my white coat despite three layers underneath, and secretly prayed the office air conditioner would break. That day I longed to feel warm.

And in just a few months, when I go out for a walk in the snow, today’s weather will come to mind. I’ll wish for my sweaty T-shirt and shorts instead of my heavy boots and stuffy parka.

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This Storm Will Pass

September 18, 2019 / colleen arnold / 10 Comments Featured

God is with us in even the worst storms……

It is raining. Hard. The wind blows horizontal sheets of rain that bombard the window like plaques of pebbles. Thunder rattles the walls and the wind gusts through unseen cracks in the door jam. Lightening flashes across the sky, showcasing the trees as they bend and dance in the wind and lighting up the river that now streams down my driveway.

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You’re Right Where You’re Supposed to Be

August 7, 2019 / colleen arnold / 6 Comments Featured

Ever wonder if you heard God wrong and you’re supposed to be doing something different? Periodically those thoughts tiptoe uninvited into my brain, and I wrestle with what-if questions, too

Last week I met some very powerful and accomplished women at a conference. Jealousy crept in as I mulled over how old I am, questioned dreams I have yet to fulfill, and wondered about where I am in life. One of those powerful women happened to be with me at the time and my doubts spilled into our small group sharing.

“Maybe you’re exactly where your supposed to be,” she said. “Maybe Satan is trying to discourage you because you’re doing such a good job.” Her comment caught me off guard, and frankly, surprised me. I rarely think about the devil and speak of him even less. I thanked her at the end of our session and headed outside for time to consider her words.

What an interesting theory, I reflected as I meandered onto a nature trail next to the conference center. As usually happens when I am outdoors, my thoughts lightened. The sunshine warmed my perspective and my face; the birds distracted me with their song, and the plants and flowers perked my curiosity. Gradually I felt better and headed back for the next meeting.

As I crossed onto a boardwalk over classic North Carolina swampland, a dozen birds up ahead pranced on the path and squawked loudly. I didn’t pay much attention, until the stick they were fussing over raised its head and hissed. The snake was sill a good fifteen feet ahead of me, but the wooden path was narrow and the swamp below squishy with mud.

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